


Moments

by WalkingInland



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Book 1: Outlander, Book 2: Dragonfly in Amber, Canon Compliant, Claire POV, Episode: s01e07 The Wedding, Episode: s02e13 Dragonfly in Amber, F/M, Season 1, Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-04 01:17:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21189161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkingInland/pseuds/WalkingInland
Summary: A canon-compliant series of stream-of-consciousness-style snippets from Claire’s point of view; from The Wedding to Dragonfly In Amber.





	Moments

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This probably doesn’t count as an actual fic, just something I had fun working on. Let’s think of it as a writing exercise, shall we? There are purposefully gaps in the story; each set of asterisks starts a new segment or scene in our Frasers’ lives.

_New: _Everything is new.

_Fast:_ Too fast to comprehend.

_Change:_ How had her life come to this? So very different from just a few short weeks ago. She doesn’t belong here. Not here. Not with him. Not in this time.

_Desperate:_ This is her only option. Isn’t it? The desperate escape from a desperate situation. She would pick _any_ other path if she could. Wouldn’t she?

*****

_Desperate: _Any way out of this. Any way. Her glass face did not easily lean towards deception, but desperate times call for desperate lies, especially when faced with a monster.

_Fear:_ She thought she had known monsters and the fear that they bring during the war. She was wrong.

_Alone:_ She had not realized that Jamie’s steady presence was such a source of constant comfort since she came through the stones. Not until it was no longer there.

_Relief: _He came. He came for her. She didn’t have to face the monsters alone anymore.

*****

_Relief: _He believed her. He stayed.

_Numb:_ Her secret is no longer only her own. She held it shared with another person. But with its loss came a loss of a way forward. What do you do when your past is your future but your future is uncertain?

_Comfort:_ In his arms numbness losses its hold.

_New:_ Something new, something old. Something silver, something gold. There are two lives, two worlds, two realities, two rings to reckon with. And a choice.

*****

_New:_ A home. She’s never had one before. A home and a built-in family and history. This is new. But it could be perfect.

_Imperfect:_ Tension and flaws. She doesn’t know how to navigate these waters. But she knew her husband; his honor and loyalty and stubborn Fraser pig-headedness.

_Future:_ He wanted to give her a future. A perfect picture, a dream, all wrapped up in a bow. A dream left unfulfilled. She was so afraid. The future he planned was not one she could give him, no matter how she poured out her love.

_Belong:_ She could fill her days with this. This life was not perfect. This future was unknown. But this life was surrounded and overflowing with abundant love. She belonged here.

*****

_Belong:_ He belonged with her. That was the only option she could see. The only way she could comprehend their life together. She would fix this. She would.

_Pain:_ There is pain in receiving wounds. There is pain in telling them. There is pain in hearing them.

_Healing:_ There is healing in sharing pain.

_Joy:_ Though darkness may last through the night, joy comes in the morning.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

_Joy:_ New life. Old pain. Scars and such unimaginable joy.

_Shadows:_ Their joy was marred by so many scars. Sleepless nights, tortured dreams of the past. How do you reconnect when there is such a chasm where your love lives?

_Light:_ You do it by finding the light that your love shines and following the bridge that trust can build.

_Trust: _Hurt. Honor that must be upheld. Revenge that must be dealt. A future to secure. One husbands, two husbands, the future, the past. A test of trust. A year of grace.

_Fear:_ He wouldn’t, would he? He would not burn their bridges and their future and the hope they had built in and with each other. Would he? Of course he would.

*****

_Fear:_ Bloody man, bloody Fraser, bloody honor, a day marked with too much damn blood.

_Grief:_ Such a small word. A too small word, a too small baby. A too large hole in her heart.

_Alone: _Since Jamie had come into her life _her heart her soul her very being_, she had never been truly alone. He was a part of her. _Blood of my blood and bone of my bone._ And now? What do you do when your heart, your soul takes away your hope and your dreams and leaves them in ruin?

_Faith:_ She didn’t know how to do this. With her own dear Faith gone and buried, how was she supposed to grow any faith in her heart? Faith for their future, their bond? To forgive, to be forgiven, to grow together again? How?

_Peace:_ She didn’t know. Neither did he. But they would learn. Together.

*****

_Peace:_ They were home. No more scheming, no more lies. Home.

_Healing:_ They can be safe here. Secure as they piece their hearts back together again. Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

_Chaos: _Everything can change so quickly. One letter and their hard-fought peace is blown away. Home is a place they always have to leave.

_War:_ She already fought her war. God she is tired of fighting.

_Success:_ Was there a chance that this mad gamble would pay off? Could a rag-tag gaggle of farmers ever hope to defeat the British army? Could one lone time-traveler and her hard-headed husband ever hope to change a thing?

*****

_Success: _After only a few months, it is abundantly clear that success, victory, peace, freedom, is not to be. Yet they continue on.

_Betrayal:_ Betrayal of a kinsman. Her body betraying her, giving her a joy, a life so long wanted and now granted at the worst possible time.

_Waiting:_ He says he will wait for her. He says he is grateful. He tells her that she must protect their joy, give it a chance to grow and thrive. She cannot fathom what kind of joy could grow without him by her side.

_Travel:_ It is so much worse this time. Before, it felt as if her very soul was being torn to shreds amid the shrieking stones. But now, her soul is left behind with the father of her child. She no longer holds it within her. So how can it hurt so much more?

_Accept:_ She will do this. Do it for Jamie, because she promised. Do it for their baby, because she must. She will live, she will carry on, even if it means doing so without hope.

*****

_Hope:_ Twenty years without hope, without a soul, without a heart in your chest.

It’s a long time.

But maybe now.

Maybe now she can find them again.

_Hope:_ Such a small word. A too small word for such a wide horizon.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Just as some clarification, here is the scene or time period each segment references:
> 
> Book/Season 1:   
• The Wedding  
• Rescue from Fort William  
• Time travel reveal/choice at Craig Na Dun  
• Lallybroch  
• Time at the Abbey.
> 
> Book/Season 2:   
• In France  
• Faith  
• Back to Lallybroch/beginning of the rebellion  
• The goodbye  
• Finding out Jamie is alive
> 
> Also, full disclosure, I did not come up with the last line in first section, “Joy.” It is adapted from Psalm 30:5b.


End file.
